In my previous posts, I established that I currently lead a hobby-deficient life, and that’s a problem for me. With this blog, I want to try new things and reflect on what I’m learning and how it’s enhancing my life. In others words, I want to find a hobby/hobbies that bring fulfillment. So does meditation fit the bill?
Why I decided to try meditation
For years, I’ve been hearing about the powerful effects of meditation. Meditation helps you unfold your purpose, free you of your inhibitions, or get to know the real meaning of life. It all sounds so promising; which is why I have a hard time explaining why I’ve been resistant to it for so long.
Sure, I’ve dabbled in meditation; there was a moment of desperation during grad school where I succumbed to a few sessions just to escape the acute panic I had about my thesis project (and I think it helped…but then again, I was grasping at so many other helpers, I can’t be sure). But beyond that, I have to admit I never gave it a real shot. At the time, it might have sounded too woo-woo for me, but little did I know that the roots of my resistance have probably had a lot to do with the very reason I need it.
You see, I’m an over-thinker. My mind is a cardio junkie, it loves to sprint repetitively through thoughts: and concerns, worries, and anxieties are some of its favourite forms of exercise. Did I make the right decision at work today? What did it mean when so-and-so said such-and-such? How am I going to tackle x-y-and-z? The mind chatter is incessant, and it often leaves me exhausted at the end of the day. Worse, the constant thinking creates more confusion and bewilderment than clarity. If I’m honest, I really wish it would just shut off sometimes and give me a break from myself.
The point of meditation
Up until now, I think I was resistant to meditation because I didn’t understand the purpose of it. Back when I dabbled in it before, I used to treat meditation as a silent time for focused reflection; in other words, I would still leave my brain on active think-mode. Now, as I’m revisiting it, I’m beginning to understand that the point is actually to clear your mind.
The brain is like a muscle, and the habit of over-thinking can work it to the point of exhaustion. The purpose of clearing the mind is to give your brain a rest so that it can recharge and actually do its job when you need it to. So, meditation is hard for me because I have a tendency to think a lot, but that’s also exactly why I need it.
On top of better cognition, there is a more woo-woo reason I am interested in exploring, which is that meditation can help you access the real, uninhibited you. The idea behind this is that the pace, distractions, and mental chatter that fill our lives and our heads cloud us from really seeing our true selves; we instead see a mirage of our identities, filtered through so many layers of expectations from others and society. Beyond the mind chatter is supposedly everything we truly want for ourselves and our lives. Getting to know the real meaning of life. Sounds great, doesn’t it?
Tina tries meditation
So, here I am: exactly 30 days and 11 hours into exploring meditation as a hobby. Here’s what I am learning so far:
- It’s hard. And it hasn’t gotten easier! Some days, I spend the entire session trying to reign back in my wayward mind. I’m learning to be ok with that.
- It actually does help slow the brain cardio. I’m noticing my worries don’t quite have the potency they used to; whereas before, I’d sometimes have thoughts so persistent they managed to derail my day, now I find I’m moving on from them with greater ease. I’m also sleeping better at night.
- Accessing my true self is still an effort in progress. When I started, I envisioned a meditative practice would make me fully enlightened, transcending all of my current problems with grace and ease. The jury’s still out on whether that’s possible; but I can say that I’ve experienced more clarity around handling day-to-day and interpersonal struggles than I used to.
So is meditation a hobby? In the sense that hobbies help you access meaning and fulfillment, I think it definitely merits some exploration, and I’m going to continue on the path I started with it. On the downside, it’s harder and less leisurely that other activities that could be classified as hobbies — so in the next thing I choose to try, I will look for something that adds a bit of fun to my life.
